Thursday, October 15, 2009

Stank Foot

I seem to be full of confessions on this's another one: I have the grossest feet ever. My sisters, Mom & stepdad, and Ange can all vouch for me. Hideous feet. They are the least favorite part about me. If I could get a feet transplant I would.

Why My Feet are Sick-ola:
  1. They are crusty. Dry, cracked heels run in my family. Both my mom and my dad have cracked, dry heels, but mine are really the worst. They are the absolute worst in the summer when I've been wearing flip flops non-stop. The only way to reduce the cracks and disgustingness is to wear socks and shoes all the time, which I hate doing, because...
  2. My feet are soooo sweaty. If I wear socks and shoes all day, by the time I take off my shoes my socks are drenched and the bottom of my toes are all wrinkly like when you're in the bathtub for a long time. Even when I don't have socks and shoes on my feet are still sweating. My feet always feel wet. Like I've constantly just stepped out of the shower. The first time my stepdad noticed that my socks were literally wet after taking off my shoes I thought he was going to vom. And that was before he realized that...
  3. My feet smell hideous. Like I've slipped off my shoes before unbeknownst to anyone and suddenly someone across the room will be like "EW, what in THEE HELL is that smell?" And then I put my shoes back on and apparently the smell goes away. I sometimes gag at the smell of my feet. They really are THAT bad. I wash my feet much more often than the rest of my body.
  4. Much more minor, but my feet are are really, really wide. Like so wide that it's really hard to find many shoes that fit me. Even shoes that are marked "wide" are often too narrow for my feet. I always have to buy men's tennis shoes because they come in extra wide. I've never been able to buy a pair of cute, strappy sandals because my toes won't even fit halfway down the shoe. That's why clogs, Crocs and Ugg boots are my friend. Anything that my brick shaped feet will fit in is fair game, even if they are unpopular with current trends.
So there's my story. Stay away from my feet if at all possible. You've been warned.

1 comment:

ange said...

No one should be close to your feet but me anyhow!!!