Monday, August 2, 2010

The Thing I Miss Most About the US: Being a “Normal” Person

I am having a great time here overall. Of course things aren’t perfect and there are certain “comforts of home” that I miss but they are things that will be waiting for me when I get home.

My past few blog posts have been about the formality of daily life and the amount of people I interact with on a daily basis, and this blog sums those up succinctly for me. The one thing that I miss most is not really a tangible thing, but more of a metaphysical thing. I miss just being “me.” No one fancy, just me. Being my “normal” laid-back socially invisible self is an impossibility here. Everywhere I go I of course attract a lot of attention (who’s the big white lady???) but in addition to my physical difference I am also the guests of the M family which means I’m even more elevated than normal. And being in an elevated position means more formality and more responsibility. I meet and greet people all day long, get special treatment wherever I go, and basically feel like I have to be “on” at all times so I don’t embarrass myself or the M’s by making any missteps. It’s exhausting. I know it’s a small complaint in the grand scheme of life and it’s something that I fully expected and prepared for (mentally at least) but it doesn’t make it any easier.

All of this is just to say, when I get home expect me to spend a lot of time lying on the couch in my sweats and grunting at you.


ange said...

Really? Grunting?? DQ.

NY Diva said...

This post and the ones around it are a perfect description of my own personal hell. I think I'm having an anxiety attack just reading it.

Diva of Diversity said...

I just have to pretend I'm a different person for the next 5 months. This charming personable person who is socially gracious at all times. Ick.

And it helps that I'm taking an anti-anxiety drug ;)