My new favorite dumb email from a student

I received this email today:

From: Lame Student [iamlame@ithoughtthisschoolhadbetterstudents.edu]
Sent: Friday, April 02, 2010 12:07 AM
To: Briggs, Lindsay
Subject: Dear Instructor

Dear Lindsay,

There is a girl in the class who knew about Kubrics book "A Clockwork Orange" and I thought it might make an interesting essay because of all the alludes to sex/ sexual violence. I was going to get the book from her and she gave me her email but I was stupid enough to forget it. Do you know her email? Her name is Megan, she has pink hair.

Lame

I mean REALLY? You expect me to just figure it out. Ok, well I could figure it out because there is only one girl with pink hair in our class, but he could have just as easily looked at the roster and figured out who it was. Students are so helpless and ridiculous I can barely stand it.

Be the Change

Background: When giving my first public lecture at my alma mater I ended my talk with Gandhi's "Be the change you want to see in the world" quote hoping to give a call to action to the audience. I told the students that they can get involved in saving the world, even if it's something as small as volunteering locally. I thought it was inspiring but when I read the student evaluations one of the students totally ripped into me based on that quote and literally said "I think most intelligent people stop using that quote somewhere around 6th grade. Who does she think she is? She sure isn't Gandhi!"

I think we've all heard this much repeated quote from Gandhi, and despite this negative Nelly's assertion I continue to love this quote well past my 6th grade years and while I realize I am not Gandhi and wouldn't dare think I will ever be Gandhi-like in my life, I truly do reflect on it often and try and live my life in a manner consistent with this mantra. This is the reason I volunteer and do the things I do. I DO want to make the world a better place and hope that my small efforts do change the world no matter how small.

I was again reminded about this after watching & participating in a little blog discussion with some strangers about whether or not Three Blind Mice should be used in a kindergarten class. Now I know you are thinking "Say what?" But the discussion revolved around whether using the rhyme with its discussion of violence (the Farmer's wife cutting off the tails of the mice) was appropriate. I'm sure many of you are thinking A. What's the big deal and B. What the hell does this have to do with Gandhi?

Basically this: I feel like to the greatest extent possible, you should try and life your life in a consistent manner. If you don't feel like violence is appropriate (and I would guess most people, including a kindergarten teacher) would say it is not, then you should make sure that all of your actions promote the idea of non-violence. Now Three Blind Mice may not be earth-shattering in the "violence" it demonstrates and I acknowledge that there is much more heinous violence going on in the world (and probably in many children's lives) but it is more the principle of the matter.

Which gets us back to Gandhi. For some reason "Be the Change" was echoing in my head while sorting through my thoughts related to this person's blog post. So I thought to myself, you know, I really like that quote but I don't have much background for the context. So being the researcher I am I started looking around for some additional information. I found this great interview with Gandhi's grandson and it so powerfully moved me that I felt compelled to write this blog and to copy this portion of the interview:

AMY ELDON: One of Gandhi's most famous sayings is, "We must be the change we wish to see." In what context did he say that and what does it really mean?

ARUN GANDHI: Well he said this when he was speaking after prayer service and he mentioned this because people kept saying to him that the world has to change for us to change. He said, "No, the world will not change if we don't change." So we have to make the beginning ourselves. It has always been our human nature to blame someone else for everything that is happening. It's never us. We are never at fault. And he tried to make us realize that we are just as much in the fault as anybody else. Unless we change ourselves and help people around us change, nobody will change because then everybody will be waiting for the other person to change.

This is exactly what I mean when I say if you do not find violence acceptable then you should not be promoting violence in any way, not even something as innocuous and silly as Three Blind Mice. If we say "It's no big deal. Whatever!" then we are relying on others to do the work on not bringing violence into children's lives and saying that our use of a "cute & funny" nursery rhyme is no big deal. And maybe in the long run it isn't. But why take that chance? When you can chose to do something else, why not? What harm is there? Is Three Blind Mice so earth shattering that you MUST teach it and can't find ANY alternatives?

Let's move it to a larger context and not just this one small scenario. If you stand for any principle I think it is important to weave that principle into your everyday life, no matter how small and insignificant it is. I consider myself a pacifist and I strive to embody this is all realms of my life. I certainly do not take part in any event that promotes violence and one of my personal goals over the past few years has been to reduce violence in my words and thoughts. One area in particular that I have trouble not saying and thinking violent thoughts is when I'm in the car. I tend to have a little road rage, mostly because I have a low tolerance for idiotic driving (FYI--superiority and elitism is not one thing I am working to reduce in my life). I had been known to say or think "I hope you crash!" to someone who is driving ridiculously and at some point it occurred to me that crashing could cause injury and/or loss of life and since I abhor senseless acts that endanger human life I really shouldn't be saying or thinking those things. Since then I've switched to a mode of either trying to quietly accept that I do not like the way this person drives and hope that they will someday realize this, or if they realllllly anger me hope something not pleasant but not terrible happens to them. Usually I make it something really silly. Like "Ooooh, I hope they get diarrhea and they can't get to a bathroom in time and poop their pants." Non-violent, check. Helps me let off steam, check. Usually gets me to calm down from my irritation because the karmic wish is so ridiculous, check check.

Again, you might be thinking "Who cares what stupid thing you say in a moment of irritation???" First and foremost I do. It is really important to me to live my life in a way that makes me happy and feel good about the person I am. Secondly, I want to be a model for other people. I want to see more good in this world and I feel like this is one small way that I can do this. Kind of like that Liberty Mutual television commercial about the chain reaction of events that happen when one person is nice and then it inspires others to do the same. This is particularly important to me as I do hope we have children in the future. I want my children to be raised in a non-violent home where these small things DO matter. I don't want my children to have toy guns or other violent toys. I do want them to have the same values I do and hope that by starting now, I will be able to be the best model possible for them. As I always like to say "make your own choices" but I know that for me, my choices are guided by underlying principles that are critically important to my life and the way I hope to live.

Weekend at Hilly's

Ange posted a quick little diddy over on her page, but here's my version:

A few months ago I was surfing the net and saw that Girlyman (Ange's favorite band ever) was playing in Ann Arbor, MI over Valentine's Day weekend. I did a little research and realized that Ann Arbor was a mere hour away from East Lansing where my sister lives (and is attending MSU Vet School). Hmm...I had a great idea! So I told Ange to request Valentine's Day weekend off and we were going to go visit my sister.

We got back from Africa and I asked her if she had requested the weekend off. She said I never made it clear that she should so then we had to do a last minute scramble to switch with someone. After she confirmed the switch I ordered the tickets for the show (still supposed to be a surprise). About 2 weeks before the trip Ange came up with a GREAT IDEA. She noticed that Girlyman was playing in Ann Arbor and she researched it and realized it was only an hour away from Hilary! Kill me. There goes my surprise. This was like the third surprise she'd ruined in a month so of course I was bummed...but we were still going to visit Hil & see Girlyman anyway!

Hilary, being the crazy-crazbo she is, decided that she wanted to get a Great Dane and happened to get one the week before we came. Long story short, the day before we came her dog and her roommate's dog decided to get in a fight over rawhide, both dogs were injured as well as her roommate, they left to get medical help for the more hurt dog (her roommate's) and her roommate. They stashed Diesel (Hilly's new dog) in the extra bedroom and when they got back home they found the 145 lb. 6 foot tall dog walking around on the roof. Lovely. Apparently he decided to rip down the blinds, open the window, tear out the screen and walk around on the roof (they have a tri-level so it has multiple roofs). How excited were we??? Ok, not so much.

Window damage

Giant dog

Anyway, we ended up having a very splendid time with the giant dog. We had an awesome time at the Girlyman concert (where YES, Ty did remember Ange BY NAME), laid around a ton by the fireplace (yay!), and realized that my sister and her roommate live like cave-people. Ange goes into more detail but basically, Hilary does not have a knife in the entirety of her house. Ange had to make us breakfast with a butter knife and a pizza cutter. Luckily we did some Goodwilling that weekend and were able to find a knife (still in packaging!) for $0.79. Yay, Hilary now has one knife! Believe me, she's got a lot further to go to become a more established adult ;)

All in all, a good weekend with my love and my baby sister!

Kids say the darndest things...

And by "kids" I mean college students. Ever since I started teaching I've had heard some of the lamest/funniest excuses in my life. I've also just read/heard the funniest statements ever. Here are some of the highlights (so far...I'm sure I'll have a ton more):

1. I got an email from a girl who said she had to rush her roommate to the hospital because she either had H1N1 or internal bleeding. To the best of my knowledge this student is neither a medical person nor does she have a MRI installed in her dorm room so how she thought internal bleeding is beyond me.

2. I had a student tell me that it was my fault that he didn't turn in his weekly journal because I usually remind them at the end of class on Thursday and I didn't the week before. Apparently the due date on the syllabus and on Oncourse did not cue him to action regarding the journal. Nor did the fact that they have to turn in a journal EVERY Tuesday and this was the FOURTH week of class. Clearly, still my fault.

3. I had a student who was angry about a paper grade I gave her last semester. When did she let me know? Not immediately after it posted. Not a week after it posted. Not when I emailed to say I was turning in final grades 48 hours later. She waits til 3 days after I turned in final grades. She did not like my explanation and demanded I meet her in person to discuss the grade. When I told her it would be impossible to meet in person as I was LEAVING FOR AFRICA in 5 days and I didn't have time to drive back to Bloomington to give her the same explanation I had given her via email (because apparently in person she would be soooo much more convincing that her paper wasn't crap and deserved better than a C), she told me that she was going to "report me to my superiors" because obviously I wasn't going to "give her the time of day." When I replied and cc'ed my "superior" and again explained that I had provided a detailed response for why she received a C on her paper and that I was going to Africa and I couldn't not meet with her face to face, but that if she continued to be unhappy she could speak to my superior who was conveniently copied on the email. My superior responded that the girl did not need to be rude to me and if she would like to have an explanation for her paper in person she would have to wait til I came back. A grade grievance wouldn't matter if it were then or a month later. We didn't hear from her again. Guess her idle threat plan did not pay off in the way she hoped.

4. "I would give this class 3.5 out of 4 stars because it was definitely more interesting than I thought it would be. Way to exceed my expectations!" Wow...didn't know that I was teaching Siskel or Ebert. But glad I could meet your needs and exceed your expectations. That was my goal.

5. "I think that for future classes I would suggest that a midterm test is given 4 weeks into the class. I know that sounds crazy coming from a student, but a midterm test has many advantages for students. First of all, it gives us an opportunity to get more points, which I feel like I did not have enough of those opportunities this semester, especially after missing two quizzes." Two words: point whore. Oh and a few more words: why is it my fault you missed two quizzes? Idiot.

These are some of my favs...I was going to add the 3some issue although I think that I adequately covered that in the last post.

Um, wanna have a 3some?

Just kidding. I'm not really offering...BUT the past week of my life has been consumed by this question.

I feel like I have a good grip on this teaching thing and think I am doing well by my students and well, frankly, I did run into some ridiculousness that I didn't quite expect.

One of the common assignments we assign in our human sexuality class is loosely called "Push Your Boundaries/Explore Sex." Basically students are supposed to come up with an idea to explore some aspect of sexuality that pushes their personal boundaries of comfort. Since everyone is different this means lots of different things. For some people, looking at Playboy is pushing their boundaries. For some people it is something a little racier.

Before they can write their paper they have to turn in their topic selection to me so I can make sure they are on the right track (undergrads often get off track easily). So apparently 2 days before the topic selection was due one of my students decided it was a great idea to send an email out to the class (via our internal messaging system for the class) that said:

hello ladies of [our class],

i was wondering if any 2 or more ladies would like to participate in a 3some for our project. im too young to goto strip club and ive done everything else sexually that i am willing to do besides this. i thought it would be fun :). so if any ladies are intrested just shoot me an email or a text before class tomorrow. my number is [Phone Number]. AGAIN, NO GUYS. SORRY.

sincerly,
[Male in Class]

ps. feel free to look me up onm facebook. my screenname is [Male in Class].

Now, I did not receive this message first hand. I received word of it because another student in the class forwarded it to me with this note:

Mrs. Briggs,

I am completely insulted and disgusted by this students inappropriate message. I wanted you to be aware of what this individual has sent out, and I am asking you to please talk to him. Not only is this an insult to women, but I feel its also an insult to the class itself. Considering he is asking us to expand his sex history in the name of "education". This class is supposed to expand our minds on sex, not to expand our list of people we have had intercourse with. I apologize, Im ranting. But Im a little upset at this individuals complete immaturity and lack of sensitivity in such a class. Please, talk to him.

Thank you,
[Female in Class]

Okkkkk. What to do? On the one hand, I definitely know why she was upset. I can understand her email and why she wanted action taken. On the other hand, I think that his email was as respectful as possible for propositioning your entire class for a threesome. And his project is NOT wrong; it completely falls within the guidelines of the course.

So I decided to email my fellow PhD students to get their opinions. We have a very diverse group of students so I knew it would be a range of opinions. I got some suggestions to email our supervisor & I did. She replied that it was highly inappropriate and I needed to address it, but she also said "You may want to consider that engaging in sexual activity is not an accepted activity for this project. There are too many issues that can result that you don't want to be responsible for. I know it's a new generation, but there has to be some boundaries set so students feel safe."

Now this is where I have a major disagreement. I think that this is a class that:

A. Explores all aspects of human sexuality; not just those that are more comfortable to discuss.
B. I feel like I have created a safe classroom which is why this student felt it was ok to do this and why one student felt it was ok to let me know it was NOT ok with her.
C. I think it is hypocritical to say "sexual activity" includes only explicit sexual acts between two (or more) actual individuals. I think going to a strip club or watching pornography are also "engaging in sexual activity" and that this is the wrong message to send.
D. Even more hypocritical is that one of the ideas on the list (they get a brainstormed list to help stimulate their thinking) is to get a STD test. SO we can tell them to get tested, but we better not discuss what might have actually gotten them a STD in the first place? Bollocks.

But besides my philosophical reservations I knew I had to take some kind of action (and actually was instructed by my supervisor that I had to as well) so I decided that I would email the student to explain the scenario and let him see what the student he offended said (though not her name) and to let him know what my supervisor said. But I also let him know that I was NOT mad at him and that he wasn't being punished and that he could continue on with his topic, but that he'd need to find another way to solicit partners. I told him it had to be addressed so he decided to send a follow up email to the class:

DEAR MEMBERS OF [class],

IT WAS BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION BY THE INSTRUCTOR THAT MY PREVIOUS MESSAGE WAS INNAPROPRIATE FOR CLASS AND DISRESPECTFUL TO THOSE WHO FOUND IT OFFENSIVE. I APPOLOGIZE TO THOSE THAT THE MESSAGE EFFECTED NEGATIVELY. I ASSURE ALL OF YOU THAT I MEANT NO HARM OR DISRESPECT TO ANYONE. AND MY PURPOSE WAS NOT TO FORFIL ANY SEXUAL DESIRES. I ONLY THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA AND OTHERS WOULD BE BE TOO SHY OR TIMID TO BRING IT UP. AGAIN I AM SORRY TO ANYONE I OFFENDED I DIDNT MEAN TO HARM ANYONE IN ANYWAY AND IT WONT HAPPEN AGAIN.

Whew. I hoped that the crisis was avoided. And turns out, I haven't (yet) heard anything else directly about it. I was a little apprehensive for the next class meeting, but it didn't come up as a class issue, although prior to the start of class I overheard a group of students discussing it and one student added him as a friend on Facebook, another students sent it to all her friends because she thought it was so funny, and another student printed out the message and used it as a conversation starter all day.

All in all, I'm glad it happened even though it was a little sticky for a few days. I think it was a good learning experience for many people (student, me, other PhD students, possibly my class) and it started an interesting conversation around our office.

Teaching & Learning

Second year PhD students in my department are require to teach 3 classes during the year. Either two classes in the fall & one in the spring OR one class in the fall & two in the spring. I was supposed to teach Human Sexuality last fall; our coordinator had already told me I was teaching it and that of course made me happy. I went away to Africa for 3 weeks only to come back and see that it had been RIPPED away from me and given to someone else. To add insult to injury, I had an email that said I was assigned 2 sections of Personal Health. I threw a tiny hissy fit and bought myself some more time. I made it through dumb Personal Health & now I am teaching two sections of Human Sexuality this semester.

I'm actually having a good time teaching this semester. It's a class I enjoy and I feel like I've improved from last year. I've also lined up some new and different guest speakers & tried some new activities. One of the things I decided to do this year was to have a panel of transgendered individuals come and talk about their experiences.

I have to say it was one of the best things I've done! I conceptually understand transgenderism and I'm totally supportive of transgender individuals but I have to say, I've never really "gotten" it. I can't really explain what I didn't "get" but I just feel like I really couldn't wrap my mind around the whole thing. I can't sum up the whole hour plus panel discussion but hearing the individuals speak was very inspiring and informative.

Here are two of my favorite quotes from the evening(s):

In response to "how did you know you were transgender?"

• "You know when you go to the grocery store and get a cart that has one wheel that is wonky? You push your cart around and you know something isn't right, but you just keep trying to make it go? That's what being transgender is like."

In response to a discussion about sex reassignment surgery and dating:

• "Even if your body feels wrong (having a penis) touching it still feels good!"

So I think it was really informative and exciting for my students but it was also a fascinating learning experience for me. I'll definitely keep this in mind for the future.

In my continuing transformation to African...

Dear Cold Dreary Winter,

I hate your guts. Please leave my life forever. I never want to see you again. I'm tired of always being the one who's freezing to death; I don't think I've felt my feet in 3 months. I won't miss you. You are like a bad case of herpes that always comes back no matter how much you wish it would just be over forever.

KThxBai,

Lindsay