Music Moves Me...To Laugh or Sing or Cry

Like any good kid growing up in the 90's I dabbled in all of the popular "alternative" bands. We might call them emo now, but in the day, they were all "alternative." It was in my teens that I first noticed how much I used music to evoke emotions and work through things that were weighing on my mind. My family didn't really do emotions and feelings and talking, but we did do music. Both of my parents are big music fans. They also both like pretty different music so we were exposed to wide ranges of musical tastes.

Remember how I have OCD? Yeah, that fucks with your musical inclinations. At least it does with mine. I don't like change. Change brings uncertainty and uncertainty can be uncomfortable and that's just scary. So it's really hard for me to venture into new music. I'm usually about 6 months behind everyone else in listening to new music. I've had to be exposed to it a zillion times in various public places before I can even think to adopt it into my musical library. This has drove many partners and friends nutty.

Another side effect of not liking change is that I am VERY comfortable with a certain level of monotony. I can listen to the same playlist every single day for months. Which is usually do. If I liked that music enough to download it and put it in a playlist, then I'm probably going to like it for life and probably ok with listening to it every single day. Again, this tends to make other people batty.

Another thing about me that combines my upbringing and my OCD is that music often will work on feelings that I'm having deep deep down that I am not yet able to consciously access. And often times that means one particular song will get stuck in my head. And I'll fall asleep hearing it in my head, and I'll wake up hearing it in my head, and I'll listen to it 793 times on repeat for days on end. Even I can recognize that this is very strange. Most people cannot listen to the same single song for a week straight. But they don't have compulsive behaviors that soothe them. So I try and refrain from playing the same song eleventy million times in a row when other people are around. But when I'm alone? Bam. Back to repeat.

Most of the songs that get stuck in my head tend to evoke some sort of negative emotion. I rarely have a problem with being happy. But I often have trouble processing harder feelings. So I listen to a lot of emo music when I'm struggling. It's one of the easiest ways Andrea or close friends can cue in on my mood. If you hear Jane's Addiction "Jane Says" playing...watch out. Dark, gloomy and wounded mood. Marilyn Manson? Angry, angry, annoyed, pissed. Certain Goo Goo Dolls songs...wistful, clingy, wanting love and reassurance.

Sometimes when I've been down for many many days and I'm struggling to overcome I'll listen to insanely happy music. And usually fake big goofy smiles. I read an article one time about how if you fake smile it activates endorphin releasers in your muscles and eventually you'll feel actually happier instead of just fake happy. So if you ever hear me listening to Judy Garland "Come on Get Happy" and looking like I'm having some sort of spastic happy stroke? No worries. Just trying to dust out the gloom in my head and doing it one of the most accessible ways I know how.

Nigerian Idol

People around here LOVE to sing. I have heard more people singing in the past month and a half than I probably hear in a year in America. And it doesn't really matter how good (or not good) you are, unabashed singing is generally welcome here. It's not like the US, where we might sing in the car (with the music on loud) or maybe in a bar or at karaoke. People sing everywhere. In the market, in the office, in the street. Singing, singing, singing, all day long. For the most part people are decent or better, but every once in a while you hear someone wailing away and you think "Wow, you go boy/girl cause if I sang like that there's no way I'd ever sing in public!" But there in general seems to be a lack of judgment cast on less than nice singing voices. Or maybe it's the social decorum here that prevents people from commenting, especially since much of the singing is gospel singing. It would be in poor taste to dis someone singing about Jesus I suppose. Whatever it is, it's one thing that really makes it different from the US.

Acamale...or hi I was a dumb kid!

So I might be a big brain now, but when I was a child I was less than the smartest. I had lots of dumb words that I made up and often had songs and dances that went with them. Here's just a little glimpse into that world of madness.

When I was little one of the things that I didn't pronounce correctly was "tamale." Instead I called it "acamale." And like I said, sometimes I liked to sing it...like "acamale, acamale, acamale." You'll hear in the video below. The dance was something we just made up. Clearly I haven't grown up that much.

Random Bits & Pieces...

I've been singing "Matcher Maker, Match Maker, Make Me a Match!" for dayssss. Probably because I am trying to play Match Maker for NY Diva & Man Child. It's both funny and annoying. Mercy told me I shouldn't do Match Making. She thinks it will lead to trouble. I think it's worth it. It's so much fun!

Still sad about MJ. In interesting related tid bits...his death nearly crashed the entire world wide web. Just another testament to his popularity. Crazy. My sisters are in Michigan doing some prep work for Hilary's upcoming move to MSU for Vet School. After they got there they decided they should invest in a greatest hits cd. 6 stores later they were still empty handed. All MJ CDs were sold out in every store they visited. Ange was looking at itunes this morning and all of the top downloaded cds and music were MJ. Luckily, I already have the greatest hits so I'm all good on that front. I'm a real fan, not a Johnny-come-lately.

Went and saw My Sister's Keeper tonight with my aunt. So freaking sad. Bring lots of tissues. I went through both sleeves of my t-shirt, my hem and collar as well as 3 tissues. My aunt used slightly more. Was much better than the book, particularly since the changed the ending from the ridiculous one that Picoult wrote. I love Jodi Picoult's books, but they are all the same. Soooo good until the last 20-30 pages. Then she tries to tie up every loose end and make everything hunky dory again. Doesn't happen in real life, and is semi-annoying. She is a fantastic writer except for that flaw. Every book I've read of hers does the same thing. Hate it.

Anywho, that's all for now. Nothing much.