Fat & Happy (mostly)

I talk a lot about body diversity, health at every size, body love, body acceptance, and any numerous things about loving your body. I pontificate about it pretty much non-stop. I do it even when it's hard to believe my own words. I want people to be happy and healthy and weight has nothing to do with that. It's taken me a long time to realize that, embrace that, and continually I struggle to believe that. It's hard. It's a struggle. Some days I win, some days I don't. I win more than I struggle, but I think it's important to talk about struggling.

I went to a workshop during our campus' Love Every Body Week -- which is our celebration of Eating Disorders Awareness Week -- where we focus not only on eating disorders, but the wider spectrum of wellness, health, body image and body love. The workshop was hosted by the author of Embody: Learning to Love Your Unique Body (and quiet that critical voice!), Connie Sobczak. The workshop was several hours and explored many topics but one of the activities we did was draw a flower or tree that was emblematic of our body stories. The roots were supposed to be the messages we got in our youth, primarily from our family, about our bodies. The trunk or stem was supposed to symbolize how we feel about our bodies now, and the flower or leaves were supposed to express something about how we hope to use our bodies to  shape others in the future (I can't remember how exactly she phrased it). This was my drawing:

I love sharpies. So although we had a range of art materials to pick from, I picked the shaprie. I don't know what it is about sharpies that I love...maybe because I love the sharp, harshness of black, maybe I love its permanency (I'm not so good with change), or maybe because sharpies always seem so damn serious, like "oh shit, she just brought out the sharpie, shits about to get real!" (and that's kind of how I think about myself a lot). But anyway, I chose the sharpie.

I chose a palm tree. I've always loved palm trees, but I've loved them even more since my therapist used an analogy using a palm tree. My therapist is the friggin best with analogies and metaphors. It's one of the things I love most about her. We were talking about strength and flexibility and she compared an oak tree and a palm tree. Oak trees are strong, hard woods. But in a tornado or major storm an oak tree will snap in half. A palm tree is also strong, but it's extremely flexible. In a storm a palm is much more likely to bend and then bounce back after the storm is over. Most of my life I've lived as an oak tree. Trying to be strong and impenetrable, but ultimately that strength is my weakness. When the storms of my life or OCD come blowing, I snap and break. Instead I should try to be like a palm tree and learn how to be strong enough that I can stand tall but flexible enough that life can push me around without breaking me. And if that isn't fucking beautiful I don't know what is. So when it came to drawing a plant, I drew a palm tree.

At my base I had two simple statements: You are more than your body & all bodies are beautiful. These are true statements. One of the best gifts my parents gave me was the gift of growing up in a home where bodies were not only NOT shamed, but were really not mentioned at all other than our bodies do lots of magnificent things for us. My mom is an artist and so we saw lots of diverse bodies through art. My mom also grew up in a home with intense body shaming and regulation and she didn't want to pass that on to her children. My feminist father was raising 3 daughters so he made sure to a) follow my mom's lead and b) embrace all facets of human diversity. I also grew up in a hippie beach town where we had no qualms about stripping down at the beach on a whim or running naked through the yard. It wasn't really until we moved to Indiana and I entered the tween years that I even really realized that bodies were something that people valued, berated, etc.

I made it through the teenage years slightly better than most, but not without the constant pressure from the outside to hate my body. I've always been on the larger side of my peers, but of course when I look at pictures of my teenage years the difference is negligible.

In my early 20s my sister and I joined a gym together to "get healthy" and "lose weight" for her upcoming wedding. We decided to try running on the treadmill together and gradually progressed to wanting to run a couple 5Ks. At the same time I started using a Fitness/Calorie counting app on my Palm (oh how I loved my Palm). It started out ok, but over time I became obsessed (this should not be shocking to you -- though it was to me in hindsight). I was running 3 miles a day 6 days a week and maintaining a 1200-1500 calorie diet. I felt like YES! I'm doing this! I'm doing what society tells me to do! I lost 30 lbs!

But I hated getting up and going to do something I loathed. I kept waiting for that runner's high to hit me. Or thinking that as I ran more it would get easier and I would learn to like it, maybe even love it. I didn't. Ever. I hated every single second of it. The only thing I loved about it was hanging out with my sister every day. That's the one and only thing. We bonded, we laughed, we had fun together in spite of the running. I wouldn't take any of that back for a second.

I hated counting every single calorie. I hated being a slave to my fitness app. I hated all of it.

I hated it even more when I plateaued at 30 lbs of weight loss. I hated that I pushed myself for so long and so hard that I fractured my foot from the stress of running and the lack of nutrition I was getting. I hated that even after 30 lbs of weight loss I was still fat.

And then it hit me...health is only one part physical. An equal and valid part of one's health is mental. I was not happy. In fact, I was miserable. I was miserable and still fat and now had a fractured foot. Was dismal mental health worth the so-called physical health I was achieving? Was my physical health really all that better or was I just 30 lbs lighter? What would happen if I participated in fitness I enjoyed and ate sensible meals without worrying about calories? This started a long period of self-reflection. That reflection continues to be on-going. And I continue to find new and well-documented information to support my feelings.

EVERY body is a GOOD body. Every day we wake up and our bodies do amazing things for us. We only have one body so we might as well make the most of it. It's much easier to learn to love your body (not that it's easy) than to hate and try and transform your body. Trust me, I've been there. 

So the middle of my drawing is who I am now. I am a (mostly) solid message of body love, and I try to spread that whenever and wherever I can. It's not easy. All those arrows up there? External messages trying to tell me I'm not ok as I am. I've had to build my bark up thick and strong to keep those messages out. It's not always easy. Sometimes arrows get wedged in-between my layers, but I just keep on growing layers around those arrows. I grow through activism, I grow through heavily editing and considering what media I expose myself to on a daily basis, I surround myself with other people who share my beliefs, I follow the tenets of the Health at Every Size movement, and I forgive myself when icky thoughts sneak up on me.

My branches are my desire to spread this love and awareness and sense of self to everyone around me. I may not change the world, but I will damn sure try.

Skins!

I often get complimented on how soft my skin is and what my secret is to baby soft skin. Ha! Literally, it's baby lotion. Simple, cheap and a quick daily routine. I put Johnson & Johnson Baby Lotion on every morning and every night. It's the only moisturizer I use. Some people worry about "smelling like a baby" but I have found that after it dries it doesn't have that lingering "baby smell." Another pro-tip: use your sunscreen! The sun causes most skin damage and over time will dry out your skin causing it to lose elasticity and feel leathery. Simple, easy, cheap!

Fun Fact Friday: ...but Fat is SCARY!

Here's some stats for you to chew on from the hosts of Fat Talk Free Week:

• 54% of women would rather be hit by a truck than be fat
• More than 90% of girls ages 15 to 17, want to change at least one aspect of their physical appearance, with body weight ranking the highest
• 81% of ten year olds are afraid of being fat
• 1 out of 8 adolescent girls reported starving themselves to lose weight
• 67% of women 15-64 withdraw from life-engaging activities like giving an opinion, going to school and going to the doctor because they feel badly about their looks
• 40% of moms tell their adolescent daughters to diet; 45% of these are of average weight
• 70 million people worldwide struggle with eating disorders
• In the US, as many as 10 million are suffering from anorexia or bulimia; that's more than are suffering from breast cancer

Why are we SO afraid of fat? So afraid that we would rather be hit by a truck rather than be fat?? Or engage in life-threatening disordered eating patterns to avoid being fat???

This is a harder question to answer. I can tell you where all the messages of body and fat hate are coming from, what incorrect facts they state, the ways in which fat bodies are punished for being fat, and how hard it is to keep a brave face in the midst of it all...but WHY everyone is so scared of fat is much harder to grasp.

Some people will point to the erroneous belief that fat means unhealthy means chronic disease and death, but even that is an incomplete picture. When people are degrading fat people in social situations it's rarely about their health. It's often about the prejudices, stereotypes and bigotry people hold towards fat bodies.

There are commonly held ideas that fat people are lazy, gross, lacking in willpower, dumb, ugly, awkward, survivors of trauma, and the list goes on and on. Social norms have led us to cement these stereotypes with fat bodies to the point that many of us forget that these are TOTALLY MADE UP and that we as a society created these labels and they do not actually reflect reality. There is no evidence that being fat means you're lazy. Or ugly. Or gross. However, this perception of this made up reality is important. Because once we start to believe this reality our brains will do anything it can to avoid being associated with these negative characteristics. Who want's to be called lazy, gross, dumb, etc.? No one! So step one to avoiding being called those names would be to get rid of the first "easy" association people have, e.g. a fat body. Now you might still be all of those things, but people won't be able to necessarily tell if you at least have a thin body!

People think (theoretically) that they can change their bodies, even if they can't change many other things about themselves. Anyone who has been discriminated against based on visual cues and information probably have wished at times they could change those visuals. I've heard countless friends of color express times in their lives where they wished they could wake up with white skin, even if just to experience blending in and not having to experience discrimination for one single day. Luckily, I have rad friends and they move past that or it's only a temporary thought, because they have been surrounded by communities of people that tell them it's ok to be black, Asian, Mexican, etc. Unfortunately we don't have that overwhelming source of body loving pride...YET. But that's why the fat acceptance and radical body loving communities that are emerging are so important. There will always be hate directed at people for their differences, but if we can continue to build communities that love and support ALL sizes and really embrace the belief that bodies not only come in different colors and abilities but also in a diverse representation of sizes we might start to win this war against bodies. The first step is disentangling these negative stereotypes about fat bodies that we hold. Fat people are no more likely to be lazy, stupid, gross or any other negative characteristic than a thin person. The only thing a fat person is more likely to be is fat. That's all. And there is NOTHING wrong with fat. It isn't poisonous. It doesn't make you dumb. It doesn't make you sick. We have to shift the focus away from bodies and how they look and start dealing with reality!

Next week I'll tell you why you're losing the battle against your body and plant the seed on why you should work on loving and accepting it instead!

Fun Fact Friday: Fat Does Not Mean Unhealthy, Fat Means Fat

In this week's installment we're going to start the transition from LABELS to HEALTH. In the past two posts we've talked about the history of the BMI chart and the Great BMI Chart Scandal of 1998, but now it's time to focus on meaning and interpretation which is often glossed over by (some of) the medical community, the media, and just about everyone else. 

The popular conception is fat = high BMI = unhealthy = chronic health conditions. Everyone basically takes this to be a true correlation. But it is NOT. So let's break it down. 

What does a BMI chart measure? Oh that's right, a BMI chart is simply "a measure of body fat based on height and weight that applies to adult men and women." Otherwise stated, it's a mathematical formula that takes two numbers to create a new one. Sort of like a multiplication table! In fact look at a BMI chart without the standard "judgement" labels put on it:

 Now look at a standard multiplication table:

 

Hmm...strikingly similar no? The BMI chart is simply a table of numbers that hold no inherent value. It is derived from taking your weight in lbs divided by you height in inches multiplied by 703. Just like a multiplication table is taking one number times another number. Simple math. If only we stopped there...but of course, we don't.

We decide to place value and judgment on those numbers so that we have a chart that looks like this:

So following our analogy we should look at our multiplication tables like this:

And even further, let's start making judgments about our multiplication table:

•  4 times 20...you really should eat a cheeseburger. You're too small. Stop being so small. 
• 11 times 4...if you would just work a LITTLE bit harder you could be green ya know. Join the gym and you'll get there. You can do it. 
• 8 times 23...you're kind of gross. You should be ashamed of yourself. Really, how did you let yourself get that way?
• 5 times 25...you're just flat out disgusting. You should pretty much just go away. Forever. No one should ever multiply 5 times 25. Gross. 

Sounds completely ridiculous right??? SO WHY DO WE SAY THESE THINGS TO PEOPLE?  Why do we do simple arithmetic and then trash people's sense of self and worth by assigning a label to their bodies and then allow all of society to use these labels to degrade and demean? 

"BUT IT'S ABOUT PEOPLE'S HEALTH! I'm just helping them live a long, healthy life! They may not know that their FAT is KILLING them!"

Bullshit. 

Complete and utter bullshit. 

I've never seen a BMI chart that looks like this:

Know why? It doesn't exist! Because body fat is not a measure of health! BMI simply "measures" body fat and actually doesn't say anything about your health!You cannot use a BMI chart to predict someone's health or longevity of life. Because that's not what it measures. It measures fat. Only. Pure and simple. Furthermore, even researchers and doctors that believe in using the BMI chart for body shaming when pressed will tell you there are not CAUSAL studies that predict people's health and life longevity. There are some correlational studies, but even those are often flawed and often later retracted as BAD science. And just because something is correlated, it doesn't mean it that one causes the other. Fat does not cause poor health. Poor health habits, genetics, and other unknown factors cause poor health. Fat causes fat. We accept this in all other areas of science yet we suddenly are rendered stupid when it comes to talking about weight and health.

Are some people who are fat unhealthy? Of course. Are some "healthy weight" people also unhealthy? YES. Do all fat people have chronic diseases? No. Do some "healthy weight" people have chronic diseases? Yes. Do some fat people die young? Yes. Do "healthy weight" people also die young? Yes. 

BMI charts can't predict your health or how long you are going to live. 

So why do we keep using them? We'll investigate that next week

Fun Fact Friday: The Great BMI Scandal of 1998

So last week I introduced you to the history of the BMI table & its usage and left you with the cliffhanger of the Great BMI Scandal of 1998, so without further ado, let's delve into some mind-blowing controversy.

Another introduction needs to be made: The National Institutes of Health is an agency of the United States Department of Health and Human Services and is the primary agency of the United States government responsible for biomedical and health-related research. Let me reiterate an "agency of the US government" that is "responsible for biomedical and health-related research." You would think this agency would be good stewards of health research for the good of US society, yes? Well you'd be wrong in this case...

In 1998, a so-called "expert panel" convened by the NIH decided that the current BMI chart was "too generous" and that in an effort to "inspire" the nation to be "healthier" they must shift the BMI chart rating scales down so that more people realize they are fat and therefore know that they will DIE of the evil FAT. Now of course they didn't phrase it this way and made it seem like it was all about your health using a few (flawed and sometimes bogus) studies linking weight to health outcomes. The result quantified? 29 MILLION people woke up the next day now being considered overweight when the day before they were considered to be a healthy body weight. They didn't gain a pound, they didn't eat 47 cupcakes before bed, they didn't do anything besides do normal life things and all of a sudden woke up with a giant shaming label placed upon their bodies. That's some deep shit yo.

As we know, medical advances and new knowledge occur every day. So maybe this shift was warranted based on new scientific findings? WRONG. Let's take a look at two powerful FACTS:

Fact 1:

• The people in charge of making this shift at NIH perhaps maybe aren't your friends.

"Eight of the nine members of the National Institutes of Health task force on prevention and treatment of obesity have ties to the weight-loss industry, either as consultants to pharmaceutical companies, recipients of research money from them, or advisers to for-profit groups such as Weight Watchers."(Source)

Reaction:

• SAY WHAT?!?! You mean people who stand to gain money (probably LOTS of it) from more people thinking they are fat and going to die and therefore need to do anything to lose that weight are the ones responsible for telling you that you are fat?!?  Well isn't that fucking convenient...for them! Let's give 29 million people new complexes about their bodies! YAY! They're all gonna run out and join gyms, diet programs, and diet pills and we'll be rich! And people who have nothing wrong with them will suffer.

Fact 2:

• If this were really about HEALTH then we'd expect that to mean that people who are in the "normal" weight category to live the longest since long life = health in popular social terms. But guess what? Statistically speaking, the people who live the longest are people who measure in the "overweight" category of the BMI.

"Overall, people who were overweight but not obese were 6% less likely to die during the average study period than normal-weight people. That advantage held among both men and women, and did not appear to vary by age, smoking status, or region of the world." (Source)

Reaction:

•  HOLD UP. I thought this was about health? I thought we wanted people to live long healthy lives? Now you're telling me that I can live longer if I am actually NOT following your advice to be "normal" and instead choose to be the evil "overweight?" Huh. What's a fat lady to do? Follow your "expert" advice and possibly not live to my fullest longevity or be stigmatized by the medical community and therefore the rest of society in the hopes I'll live the longest life possible? That's a fucked up choice to have to make. Now there are alllll sorts of apologists who are quick to explain why this data isn't GOOD data and why it may means all sorts of other things other than the NIH panel is a bunch of greedy liars, but I'd like to point out that the same critical eye isn't given to all the studies THEY used to convince of this farce in the first damn place. It's hypocritical and wrong and it's causing a lot of harm to a lot of people. 

Conclusion for today's Fun Fact Friday: don't believe the hype. Especially when the hype was created by people who stand to profit from you thinking there is something wrong with you when evidence to the contrary actually says something different.

Next week we'll turn this debate around and start to think about the popular belief that fat = unhealthy = health conditions. Stay tuned!

Fun Fact Friday: BMI is a Joke

I decided if I had some hybrid activist-academic purpose to my writing I might actually DO more writing. SO my goal for the rest of the year is to bring you useful information that is readily available but OVERLOOKED by damn near everyone, but especially the media.

Right now I'm really, really energized about fat politics and activism, particularly because it has direct affects on my favorite topic which is radical body love. So for the next couple of weeks I'm going to do some deconstructing of our common "knowledge" about health, fatness, dieting, and body shame. This is nothing new. Lots of people have written about this before but many of my non-fat-activist-academic friends probably won't read 783 books, articles and blog posts I give them as references but they WILL (hopefully) read my words here on my blog. Also I'm only going to tell you the shit I find most compelling and in the order I feel like it makes most sense. Others may think other things are more important or may tell you things in a different way, but this is my blog so I'm going to do it my way. And now, with my signature voice and style, I'm about to break some shit down for you.

On today's menu...

The history of the modern day BMI chart! I know, titilating. But we have to start somewhere and before I can start blowing your mind with ideas that go contrary to everything you hear on the news every day about fat & health we have to start with a little history lesson. So pour yourself some coffee, water, alcohol, or any other beverage of your choice. Let's get started shall we?

BMI charts were first consistently linked to health outcomes in 1912 by life insurance companies (though they were called something else). Uh what? Over a hundred years old and thought up by insurance companies and not doctors? Need some perspective? Penicillin was discovered in 1928. We're using a health rating scheme that is pre-antibiotics. Sound ridiculous? It is. 

Here's a really boring article about how many ways we've measured fat over the past 100 years: http://ajcn.nutrition.org/content/72/5/1074.full. If you don't feel like reading it, cool. Let's just suffice it to say that the sheer number of ways it has been done and why is mind boggling. But also, for me, points out how flawed the system has always been, and continues to be.

The modern BMI chart was conceptualized and advocated for by Ancel Keys in 1972. NOTABLE in his publication is that he says straight up that: 

Populations differ from one another and populations change. Average values for weight and height for given age and sex for a given population do not necessarily apply to other populations or even to the same population at another time. Further, there is no present prospect of obtaining for any population true average values of weight for given height, age and sex. Certainly persons examined in connection with application for life insurance are far from being a random sample of the population.

Additionally he notes: 

In recent medical literature the so-called ‘ideal’ or ‘desirable’ body weight is often used as a basis of reference, the relative body weight then being expressed as percentages of values in the tables published by the Metropolitan Life Insurance Company [42]. Those tables take no account of age; in effect they simply list the average weights of insurance applicants of given sex and height at age about 25 [13-161. As noted elsewhere [43], the use of ideal or recommended weight confounds age and weight because on the average weight increases with age until the fifties while increase in height is over by the early twenties at the latest. The general trend to continue growth in weight may be undesirable but it has no relevance to the question of providing an objective description of relative body mass; it is scientifically indefensible to include value judgement in that description. The characterization of persons in terms of desirable weight percentage has resulted in attributing to ‘overweight’ some tendencies to ill health and death that are actually only related to age [43]. 

SO, the person who created the modern BMI scale is basically saying given the best measurement we can come up with for BODY FAT (not health!) it's still flawed and not a very good measure. Additionally it doesn't give us any information on whether that fat number is good, bad or otherwise. Veryyyyy interesting.

Stay tuned for next week when I tell you about the great BMI scandal of 1998. THRILLING SHIT MAN.

Getting Old

I'm not one to spaz about getting old. I turned 30 this year. I have generally felt exactly the same as I have for the past several years. Everyone around me was asking me if I was sad and/or spazzing and/or other morose adjectives I can't think of at the moment (Alzheimer's? Not so much). Uh no. 30 isn't old. My grandma B is 83 and my grandma G is 79. I have more than double my life left to go until I get that old. Calm down people--you are way more concerned about this than I am. I had a blast on my birthday weekend and then I promptly forgot all about turning 30. Until recently.

I lost 15 pounds while I was in Nigeria (go me!) and I have managed to keep it off since I've been home. I've been trying to continue my health kick by joining the gym, going back to healthier eating and trying to stay in a healthy frame of mind. My sister and I have been going to the gym about 3-4 times a week (at 5:45 am!) and then I've been supplementing that by walking the dogs with Ange when we can. My goal is to do a minimum 30 minutes a day and more if I can. When Leslie and I hit the gym we usually do 35 minutes on the treadmill. I started out with just walking but have added in some short jogs (1-2 minutes at a time). Ange and I have been walking the dogs in two local parks, one is mostly flat ashpalt paths and the other is wooded trail walking. We much prefer the trails not only for the nature aspect but also because the unevenness of trails and the many up and down hills throughout the park help to give us a better workout. We've even done some light jogging on the trails though I have to be careful with that due to my spazzy falling down and tripping over air condition. 

This past week I've started to feel a weird feeling in my right knee. Not pain, but weirdness. Like maybe I could blow out some very important part of my knee. I'm trying to decide if it's just me being more than paranoid (very likely) or if I should do something pro-active to prevent any blowing out of important body parts. Like I said, it's not painful so I don't feel like I'm in any grave danger (and trust me, if it hurt I'd stop), but I just get worried that I'll be running and my leg will give out and I'll fall off the treadmill or tumble to my death in the park. I just feel like I need a little suit of armor to help my knee feel like it's got some back-up. 

So I thought maybe I need a knee brace. Then I did feel old. Only fat old ladies wear knee braces. Or super athletes who had a devasting injury. I am not the latter so I must be the former. Crap. 

Then I pull up Amazon.com and look for knee braces. God, I just aged some more. I did NOT need a bionic brace like this:

Like I said, I'm not injured! Just feeling a little paranoid about the ability of my knees to haul my big butt around for a few miles at a fast pace.

And then I stumbled on this:

Oh GOD. It's an Ace Brand knee brace. As in Ace Bandages. As in my mother is always wearing random ace bandages for her old lady pains. And I'm always making fun of her because A. seriously? Ace bandages? B. Like they really do anything. Some flimsy piece of cloth that you wrap a million times around something just to give it a little pressure? C. Only old people find Ace bandages to be of any use. And this is how I've determined that I am totally old now and apparently going down hill fast. I don't think my mom even started wearing Ace bandages until she was like 40-something. At this rate I'll be using a walker by 40. I'm doomed!

More on healthcare...

From my personal archives: an Op-Ed that never got published in our crappy paper. They'd rather publish insane amounts of coverage on the Colts and other asinine issues.

Here in the US the major arguments against drastic healthcare reform are that people refuse to wait for healthcare services and lose the complete freedom to choose a healthcare professional of their liking. This is laughable to someone who has witnessed the extreme poverty present in the majority of the rest of the world.

When we discuss our rationale against universal healthcare in the U.S, we often leave a major point unspoken. By refusing to compromise on the care we currently receive, we, who have health insurance, are saying that our own access to healthcare is more important than our neighbors’.

I have just returned from my fourth medical mission to Nigeria and I am amazed at the dialogue surrounding the topic of healthcare reform in the United States. In Nigeria the disparity between the wealthy elite and the majority of the population that is poor is most pronounced in the realm of healthcare.

There is no Nigerian national health insurance and this leads to morbidity and mortality among the poor that could easily be prevented if only affordable care were available. The poor Nigerians assume that the US, the richest country in the world, does not have to worry about such primitive medical disparities. There are some legitimate economic excuses for the many injustices that the average African faces, but how long can we American pretend that our healthcare system is a model of justice?

In the Nigerian clinic where we work people will wait an entire year for our arrival, and then wait in line in the sweltering sun and monsoon rains for five days just to be seen by our team of American doctors. If they are not able to see us during that five-day window they have to wait another year for their only chance at professional healthcare. In the U.S., we feel that our rights have been violated if we are asked to make an appointment that is more than a week out.

I have spent much time in countries where the value of a person’s life is determined by the amount of money he or she has. This is not a value I wish to affirm in my own country. When we accept that some lives are worth more than others and that certain people deserve healthcare more than others I am ashamed to see that we Americans have made the same choice as the privileged elite of Nigeria: if you can afford healthcare, life is good; if you cannot, do not bother me with your problems.

In the US we are quick to celebrate and laud the sacrifices of our men and women in the military. We talk about the selfless giving of their comforts and even their lives so that we as a country may live better lives. And yet, when asked to sacrifice some of our “rights” so that our fellow Americans can have access to healthcare, we are quick to say no. Apparently sacrifice is only required by Americans fighting terrorists.

Am I willing to sacrifice my on-demand healthcare and curtail my choice of providers? If it means that everyone in this country can have access to care without the worry of bankruptcy, ruined credit, loss of home or other negative consequences that many uninsured Americans face I know I am willing to make that sacrifice.

I consider it my patriotic duty to my fellow Americans. I want to believe that my country has a stronger sense of patriotism and justice than the impoverished countries I have visited. We are good at lecturing other countries about these principles, but it is time to live up to the standard of justice we claim to represent.

Reason #872 Why Health Insurance Needs Reform

Huffington Post recently posted this article about how health insurance companies are denying coverage to victims of sexual assault. Apparently taking care of yourself after being violated is enough to make you uninsurable in the future because of your "pre-existing condition" called rape (or sexual assault). I mean really, what a slap to the face. Not only are you dealing with something that could be very tragic for you personally, but now you have another major worry to think about in your life. Oh yes, and why do we care again if healthcare reform will put the insurance companies out of business? That's right, I don't. They've had their chance, they blew it up. Too bad, so sad (not really).

Just call me Fat Fatty

Sad day for me. I went to the gyno for my annual check up yesterday and was reminded about how overweight I am about 85 times in 35 minutes. I mean, clearly I am aware that I need to lose weight, but I didn't expect to be so accosted by my gyno. I mean, it makes sense. I don't see my family practice physician on a regular basis...I probably haven't been to see him in about 2 years and the last time was just for renewing my migraine prescription. So she was just doing her job. I'm not mad at her, but I just didn't expect it and I would have been more mentally prepared if I had.

I've been meaning to renew my quest for personal health, and just haven't gotten serious about it. It's really hard for me to lose weight and I have to be pretty obsessive about it if I want to see serious change. I lost about 35 pounds about 4 years ago but I felt like I developed a very unhealthy relationship with food and working out and when I broke my foot (due to over zealous working out) I laid off it for a while. But I know that I need to lose weight and although it isn't harming my health at the moment, it will eventually so I need to get serious about it. I guess it comes down to either being unhealthy overall or having an unhealthy obsessive relationship with food and exercise. I think I'll choose the later. It seems the least damaging in the long run. Hopefully I can try and do it better this time, but we'll see.

And I'm totally kidding about Fat Fatty. I actually have a very positive self-image. I know I'm overweight and I need to work on it, but by no means is my self worth determined by the number of the scale. And I know that I don't need to be a stick woman and that Fat does not automatically equal unhealthy, but there is a difference between being pleasantly plump and obese. There is lots of research that supports that being very overweight is terrible for your health, particularly in the long run, so that is what my goal is based on. Getting down to a manageable weight that I feel comfortable with. I know I'll never be stick-stickly and I am definitely ok with that.

I had already scheduled a physical activity date with Alexis for Monday, so that was a good step forward anyway. I decided to call my mom and see if she wanted to join us. We swam for a little over 30 minutes. We decided that we'll swim on Mondays and Wednesdays, and I'll try and figure out some other activities the other days of the week (while appropriately scheduling rest for my body).

I also re-downloaded Diet & Exercise Assistant which is like an "app" for Palms (I just checked their website and apparently they have it for iphone and computers as well). It's a really good program that helps you track your calories and such. I bought it previously when I embarked on my last lifestyle change. I stopped using it when I realized that I was getting a little out of control with the whole thing. But I am gonna try it again and hopefully do a better job this time.

My goal is to try and lose 30 lbs. by the end of the year. That's 2 lbs. a week. It's a big goal but I figure if I don't challenge myself then I won't be as successful. I'd rather fail while working hard towards a big goal, then surpass a dumb goal. I can re-evaluate when needed. I'll be sure to keep you updated with my progress!