Thursday, August 25, 2011

365: And then Gloria Steinem faints

My mom is the bee's knees. She made me three new tote bags for schlepping my stuff back and forth to campus! She's the best. And my gifts helped inspire a great "how to" post which you will find below. Enjoy!

How to get free cool stuff

By Lindsay Briggs

One of my friends asked how I was able to score some awesome new bags. I told her it was not by coincidence that I received these bags. There was a sneaky system in place that helped me to acquire them. She wanted to know more and not one to keep good information to myself I was happy to oblige. So here's my system on getting free cool stuff. Note: it helps if you've been working the following steps since your childhood....but in general here are some pointers for beginners:

1. Lose all sense of shame. The steps below cannot be accomplished if you try and hold onto your dignity and try and be all "girl power-y." An "I am a strong woman and I can do it myself!" attitude does not get you free things. It makes you have to do things yourself, and that is much less fun and requires much more work.

2. Be incredibly uncrafty. If you can first demonstrate how uncrafty you are through a series of tragic crafts gone wrong you will build your credibility.

3. Increase your dramatics level by about 8 million. When your crafts go tragically wrong wailing and flailing about generally help cement in people's mind your uncraftiness and when you propose wanting to try something new their Pavlovian reaction will be triggered and all they will only remember you flopping around like a hysterical fish.

4. Try and be as cute and charming as possible at all times. This makes people show pity on your when #3 is occurring instead of thinking you are a heinous wombat. They'll remember all the times that they loved and adored you when life was not being tragic and unkind and they'll want to help you return to that state.

5. Surround yourself with good people. If you only know shitbags then they don't care about your uncraftiness and your tragic wailing and will probably just kick you in your shin and not give you free cool stuff.

6. Let your wants and desires be know. Loudly and repetitively if possible. Remember the charming bit from above. Your goal is to be low on the obnoxious scale and high on the sad and pitiful scale. It's a delicate balance but can be mastered with time. Ange thought I was being ridiculous posting so many tote bag links on my page and wailing about how I didn't have any tote bags for poor old me. BUT LO AND BEHOLD, one week later three bags appeared in my mailbox. Lindsay for the win!

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