Bad Germ Day

Carmie is taking a steroid. Steroids make you really thirsty. Drinking a lot makes you have to pee a lot. Carmie peed on the floor and I stepped in it and got the bottom of my jammies wet. Then I had to clean up the carpet (at 4 am) and then I had to wash my feet and my legs (from kneeling to clean the carpet) and then I needed new jammies. And then I needed to start the washer to wash my jammies and the towel I used to dry the pee spot and the rag I used to clean the pee spot and the rag I used to clean my legs and feet. And then I fell asleep again for a while. And then I feed the dogs and give them meds and wash my hands because ew, even vegetarian dog food is so gross. And then I took shower #1. And then we go to Bizarre Bazaar. There are so many people there. And so many handmade and recycled things. And dead animal things like leather and a skunk pellet. And dear Gzus I lasted 30 minutes now I have to go. And then we go to Mrs. Miller's and I was my hands. And then Mrs. Miller's dog had something gross on his muzzle and it was stuck so I had to have Andrea help me clean it off his face. And then I had to wash my hands to get them really clean. And then I saw a little poop in the dining room and I picked it up with a Kleenex and flushed it down the toilet and then went to wash my hands and there was no soap. Then I remembered I bought Mrs. Miller new soap and it was in my car. So first I washed my hands in the kitchen and then I went and got the soap and brought it in and then decided I should put the soap in the extra bathroom and why not wash my hands again so that the soap is primed and ready for the next person? And then we worked in the garage and there was a lot of dust and then I washed my hands about 7 times because I kept touching things and making them dirty. And then the dish towel was stinky so I had to use paper towels to dry my hands. And then I ran out of paper towels so I had to get more from the garage. And then my hands were dusty again and I had to wash them again. And then we came home and my dogs wanted to lay on us and have us run and scratch them. And then I washed my hands about 3 times to make sure they were really clean. And then I have to feed and med the dogs again. And then wash my hands again. And then we went to Andrea's house. And then I touched the sponge in the kitchen and it smelled and then my hands smelled like stinky sponge. And then I dried my hands on the towel and the towel smelled sour. So then I washed my hands again and dried them with a different towel. And then Kiki sat on my lap and she smelled like litter. And then I gave her some scratches and pets. And then I washed my hands. And then I scooped the litter box. And then I saw Andrea bought new litter and it wasn't the low dust kind and that's why Kiki smelled like litter. And then OMG what are those black specks in the litter? Probably flea eggs and now the cats have worms and I'm going to die. And oh wait, that's some special charcoal specks that are supposed to make the litter more absorbent. Not flea eggs. Thank god. I wash my hands again. OMG there is litter dust in my nostrils. I smell it all the way home. I walk in to my room and see the pee spot is still a little damp and then I think I probably better just keep my shoes on until I get in bed. And I better get another pair of jammies because my second pair probably got pee on the hem too. And OMG the fucking litter smell is so intense in my nostrils. Andrea, I have to take another shower. I am contaminated. I'm in the shower. She's brushing her teeth. I tell her I don't like the litter she bought. She said it was on super sale that's why she bought it. I feel bad that she has to buy more expensive litter because I'm a fucking spazz. She says it's ok. I can still smell the litter in my nose. I tip my head back and let water go up my nose so I can rub it around in my nostrils to get the smell out. Some slides down my throat and makes me gag. I tell Andrea I'll pay the difference in price of the higher price litter because I can't use that litter every again. I remember how last year I went in a lake and got water up my nose and I thought I was going to get brain eating amoebas, but hey! I'm still alive so I didn't! I remind Andrea about the lake and the amoebas and she said she kept an eye on me for symptoms during the window period because she promised she would. I forgot that the window had closed. Thank god I didn't die. Oh my god, they tell people to purify tap water when they do nasal rinses and I just rinsed my nose and accidentally got some too far back and maybe there's brain eating amoeba in my water. Probably not. But I better tell Andrea just in case. She's on alert again. I walk by the pee spot to get in bed. I start to feel a rising panic in my chest. Uh oh. Time to take half a Xanax before I spiral out of control into a full blown panic attack. You think all of the stuff that came before was an out of control spiral? Ha. That's just a typical bad germ day. The Xanax has kicked in. I'm ok now. OCD is pretty fucking gnarly, yo. I fucking love Andrea. She's the best. This shit is bananas.

Andrea read it and said "I always forget this is going on all the time. No wonder you're so exhausted by the end of the day." Yep. And this is only my obsessions and compulsions around germs, which is roughly about 1/3 of the things I'm worried about in a day. If I wrote EVERYTHING I obsessed about today and every compulsion I performed...you'd still be reading.

Coffee!

The first time I ever had coffee was at a Model UN Conference in Philadelphia. Yes, I was Captain Nerd Pants and was Secretary-General of our Model UN Club at Juniata. I was in a session in a ballroom at the hotel where the conference was being held and it was FREEZING. I felt like I was in Antarctica. I had my coat on and had borrowed someone else's coat to cover my lap. The lead moderator of the session must have noticed how freezing I was because he snuck out of the room and brought me a steaming hot cup of black coffee. It was such a kind gesture that I didn't want to turn it down even though the hot liquid was bitter and strange in my mouth. It helped warm me up so I sipped away bit by bit trying to conceal my initial reactions.

I didn't become a coffee drinker then. It was years before I drank coffee again. I can't actually remember when I became a regular coffee drinker. Maybe it started with a $4 fancy Frappuccino and moved on from there? At some point I bought a cheap coffee pot for my house and would occasionally think to drink coffee.

Over the years I've developed a much more refined palette and my love for coffee has grown. I drink a cup or two a day -- never more because it makes me feel icky if I drink too much! I prefer a dark, bold roast. The more like mud the better :) I can't stand restaurant coffee generally speaking because they usually use light roasts with very little coffee. Like dirty water pretty much.

Just bought this coffee this weekend. It is DELICIOUS. Like a party in my mouth. I don't usually buy pre-ground coffee -- I prefer to grind at home to have the most fresh and oily coffee possible. But this coffee is so delicious I might have to stock up on some of this limited edition coffee!

365: FREAKING MUSHROOMS!

There are tons of wild mushrooms growing in the canyon. There are at least three different species that grow in our gravel alone. I've seen two or three others growing out in our yard too. I'm totally a mushroom lover--as long as I know what they are (for 100% sure) and that they aren't either some poisonous killer mushroom or some trippy psychedelic mushroom. However all the ones growing around our house are suspect. So they piss me off continually every time they pop up. I don't want the dogs to eat them so I'm constantly digging them up and flinging them in the garbage. I just wish they'd stay away!

A Post Dedicated to My BIL

There are five other outlets in this room. None of them except this one works. This is how we roll in Nigeria.