Friday, March 20, 2015

Motherfucking Pretzel Nugs

True confession: even though I endeavor to eat health, am a vegetarian, believe in green movements and eco-friendly everything, etc. etc. I am a total disgusting junk food lover. Fake cheese, microwaved snacks, all of it.

We recently discovered these SuperPretzel Softstix cheese filled soft pretzel sticks. And by "we" I really mean me and my stepson Trevor. One day I picked some up at the store when Trev had asked for some soft pretzels. I got the soft pretzels and thought, "oooh, he might like these!" (because he loves junk food and doesn't care so much about nutrition or vegetables or anything health really). I brought them home and he was pumped to try them and after eating one he was like "OMG, you have to try these. They're SO GOOD." So I did, and he was right and now we're addicted to them.

One night he was in a goofy mood and had had a great day and he came out of his room and was talking about his great day and said "MAN, you know what will make this day even better? MOTHERFUCKING PRETZEL NUGS!" and now that's what we call them. Pretty much always. Unless we're trying to be polite. Then it's just pretzel nugs. On a side note Andrea says Trev's potty mouth has gotten SUBSTANTIALLY WORSE since she started dating me. Probably just a coincidence...

On my electronic grocery list MFing Pretzel Nugs x 6 million is a constant category. We actually get 6 each time we go to the store (about every two weeks). Four for Trev and 2 for me (cause I'm healthy like that). Andrea will snack on some of ours but isn't compelled to nug out every week like us. We joke that she was really just my surrogate, because Trev and I are more alike than she and him are. This is based on more than pretzel nug love, but that's for another time.

When we came home from a recent vacation, I was looking in the freezer when I noticed a box of pretzel nugs that had been opened.

Me: There's an open box of nugs...
Trev: What? Why is it open?  [because we both would not open them and change our minds, nor would I have allowed an opened box to be purchased, because duh, murderers]
Me: Maybe Lauren opened them when she was house-sitting...and ate just a few...?
Trev: What? Who does that? Who only eats a few? It's clearly one serving per box!
Me: Look! Only a few have been eaten! What the hell? What is wrong with your sister?
Trev: WAIT...what if...she...DIDN'T...LIKE...THEM?!?!?
Me: NO! Blasphemous! How could you not like MOTHERFUCKING PRETZEL NUGS?!?!
Trev: I don't even know...but good! That means I get a box and a half today!
Me: UGH! Jerk!

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