Words Have Meaning

When I was 11, my "cousin"/close friend's dad was killed in one of the high profile postal shootings that gained media attention and led to the coining of the phrase "going postal."

Her aunt was her mother's sister and my dad's brother's wife. So we weren't actual cousins, but we shared an aunt and uncle and our families grew up in the same neighborhood and were long time friends so cousins worked for us. We were also the same age and enjoyed each others company which made for good friends and a lifelong connection.

When her dad was murdered I remember my parents telling me what happened and that she would need extra love and compassion as a friend. I remember her confusion and sadness, I remember my family avoiding the news when the children were around for a while (there were many news reports, and not all of them positively covered her father so my family wanted to keep the negativity away from the healing experience), and I remember my confusion and sadness. At 11, it's hard to comprehend murder, anger, workplace violence, mental illness and loss.

As a person with OCD, it becomes an unimaginable worry that lodges in your brain.

This event was definitely one of the roots of my obsession with murderers and my family dying.

I worry about murderers a lot. Not always related to the workplace, but sometimes. It's taken me a long time to manage that fear so it doesn't disrupt my life on a daily basis, but it's a thought/worry that passes through my head several times a week (or more).

Worrying about my family members dying is rarely an obsession anymore. But in my early 20s, when my OCD was at its worst, I was plagued with worries, dreams, thoughts about my family dying. It wasn't always from shootings, actually rarely from shootings, more likely from car crashes. It seemed more likely I suppose. Not that OCD needs a reason to be rational. I woke up crying sobbing for months on end. That obsession gradually faded away and only once in a while does it crop up.

"Going postal" isn't a hugely popular slang phrase. But it's popular enough that I hear it every once in while. It's weird to have an intimate connection with a popular phrase, especially when people use it offhand and have no idea the power behind the phrase, particularly for me. Every time I hear it I have a flash of memories from childhood that pass through my brain. It's not unbearable, it's not even really something I'd call painful, but more this weird feeling of "Oh, you just said that. You have no idea of its weight." Sometimes I educate people about it, sometimes I just let it pass because I know that they didn't mean anything by it and it would cast a shadow over the conversation at hand.

It makes me think about how words have power, even if we don't know it. And it also makes me particularly sensitive to people's requests to not use language that is hurtful. Whether it's the "n word," the "r word," the "t word" or any other word that wounds someone, I don't assume to know why nor do I ask. It's not my business to know why or how it hurts them; I just note it, apologize and pledge to do better. The English language is full of amazing words. Using words that don't hold long histories of pain and personal suffering is a good idea. It can have a tremendous impact on our world if we'd all just try to be a little nicer.

Liar, Liar Pants on Fire

Ok this really has nothing to do with lying but I needed a catchy title. 

So Nigeria is a former British Colony. Many things in Nigeria are still impacted by this, namely the school system organization as well as language. I forget this fact usually until something funny happens. Like when I tell everyone in the world that my underwear is too big and baggy.

So yeah. In Nigeria they call underwear "pants" and they call what we call pants "trousers." I've lost quite a bit of weight and my pants/trousers are getting very lose and baggy. Well my underwear is too but that's not what I would usually tell anyone. So when people tell me I've "reduced" (which means lost weight in Nigeria) I say yes but I am not sure how much because I haven't weighed myself but I can tell because all of my pants are baggy. When I realize my error I usually say "Oops, I mean trousers!" and laughter ensues. If I don't remember then well they probably think I'm strange for telling them my underwear a big and baggy. Hahaha.

Somehow & Anyhow

One of my favorite, favorite things about learning about new cultures is language. I'm no linguist by any means, but I very much enjoy thinking about and trying to understand language and it's use in cultures. Language can often give deeper insight into cultural differences that you wouldn't necessarily think about. It's also one of my biggest sources of laughter and amusement. The things that come out of people's mouths (both others to me as well as me to their ears) can cause hysterical fits and private jokes for weeks.

Two of my favorite partial phrases that Nigerians consistently use are "(something) is somehow" and "(something) just anyhow."

For example, tonight at dinner we had spaghetti. It tasted different than it usually does and someone remarked "This sauce is different. It tastes somehow." Which when you really think about it from an American perspective the second sentence is saying virtually the same thing as the first sentence, and really neither one are giving you any clue into how it is different. Often when I try to press someone on what they mean by this "somehow" I get no further. "What do you mean 'somehow'?" "I don't know, just somehow." You quickly learn to stop asking for more information because you know it won't get you anywhere.

As for the other one, one of the kids was giving a summary of a book he read and said about 5 times "The main point of the book is that you shouldn't spend your money just anyhow." This phrase is a little more clear...obviously you shouldn't just spend your money with wild abandon but "just anyhow" is still pretty vague and it's used in other contexts where it makes a less clear point.

For me, as a naturally inquisitive person and a qualitative researcher, this sheds light on one of the more frustrating cultural differences that I've noticed about living in Nigeria. It's very hard to get people to understand that I really, really & truly want them to describe this "somehow" or "anyhow." For me, it speaks to how Nigeria is much less concisely verbally expressive than the US and that less value is placed on exploring specific meanings of abstract concepts. This is not to say that Nigeria isn't expressive because Nigeria has some of the most beautiful art and music in the world. It's just a different style of expression, one that does not lend itself well to the type of information I am usually seeking. Often when someone does try to explain something to me it is filled with round about stories with metaphors and analogies and I'm left with a blank expression and hours of thinking to try and figure out exactly what the person was trying to tell me. I want and am looking for 2-3 sentences telling me a precise definition where they are looking to create a visual scene in my mind and some kind of holistic understanding of the topic of hand. It's one of the most challenging things I have to work on while I am here. In the beginning I used to zone out after a few minutes of what seemed like nonsensical rambling and then just pretending to understand what the heck they were trying to tell me, but now I'm getting better at following through the story and grand picture and usually get what the person is trying to express. I'm sure I still miss nuances, but overall I'm getting their meaning. And more importantly I've learned I can't just ask questions anyhow and that sometimes I just have to accept a non-descript somehow or two and make up a meaning for myself.

Nigerianisms

Nigerians have a very distinct way of speaking. It is a result of having a very complex system of languages interwoven throughout history and contemporary society. Nigeria has over indigenous languages. It also has a history of colonialism which brought British English to the country, and before English was widely taught in schools, communication between colonizers and natives developed as it often does in "baby talk" or simple communication, which eventually turned in to a much more highly developed system of language called Pidgin English. Nigeria has one of the most sophisticated systems of Pidgin in the world. So much so, that some linguists believe that Nigerian Pidgin should be classified as a Creole (for non-academics, just ignore this info...it's deeper than I'm sure you care). So the current status of language and communication in Nigeria is a complex mix of British English, Pidgin English, Native Languages, and even a bit of American slang thrown in (as a result of Western influence through media and globalization).

There are certain phrases and words that are uniquely Nigerian and I wanted to give you some examples...

• I am coming - I wrote a whole blog post about this previously, but basically it means, "at some point in the future, I will be back"
• Off de [light, a/c, etc.] - This phrase is used instead of saying "Can you turn off the [whatever]"
• Dash or dash you - If someone is going to dash you something, it basically means they are giving you something, so "Please, dash me 1000 Naira" means "Please can you give me 1000 Naira?"
• Ahbeg - Literally "I beg." It can be used in two different ways. The first is with genuine sincerity, like "Please loan me 1000 Naira, ahbeg." The other is used in a sarcastic way, like "Please! Leave me alone, ahbeg!"
  
• The boot - This means a trunk of a car. If you say "Driver, open the trunk," they'll look at you and have no idea what you are asking. But if you say "Please, open the boot," they'll totally know what you are asking. This is a leftover British saying as the British call the trunk the boot to this day.
  

There are many more examples but these are just a smattering to give you an idea. It's kind of amazing how quickly little sayings and idioms take over your normal style of speaking. Part of it has to do with easing communication. Americans speak much faster than Nigerians (on average) and many Nigerians find it hard to understand our "thick American accents" so instead of repeating what you mean over and over, sometimes it's just easier to give in to the local expressions even if it isn't how you would normally speak or is completely grammatically incorrect. I just wanted to give everyone a heads up before I come home...if I come home and it sounds like I'm speaking gibberish, just give me a few days and I'll return to normal.