365: Lucky Day!

Not only did we get free luggage, but the seat between Ange and I was open! Super nice and comfy for our 5 hour flight! What is the chance that could happen on our 8 flight to Morocco??? Keeping my fingers crossed!

365: Precision Packing

T minus approximately 30 hours or so. I spent part of the late afternoon organizing and packing our donation bags. This is my 9th trip to Africa and probably somewhere in the hundreds for number of bags I've packed. I pretty much have it down to a science. I know just how to fit things in to maximize every book and cranny and to make sure the luggage come in right at 50 lbs. It took lots of practice and continues to take lots of patience but it's all worth it in the end. Now to pack my personal goods. We'll get to that tomorrow!

365: Motivation

22 days until we leave for Africa.

SO MUCH WORK TO DO BEFORE THEN!

Luckily it was a gorgeous day and I pulled the hammock out of hibernation so I could enjoy the day, spend time with my babe AND get work done. Not too shabby!

365: Foggy Farewell

Our old friend dense fog wishes us a fond farewell on our voyage to Indiana. This will soon be replaced by wind chill and snow. Le sigh.

365: T-Minus 38 Hours!

In less than two days we'll be freezing our buns off in Indiana! Can't wait to see all my Hoosier peeps. Gonna miss these dogs and this weather but we'll only be gone 13 days. Now to make sure we don't pack half the house...

Thoughts While Traveling: Chicago to Sacramento

8:20 am (We've moved to Central time; try and keep up)


Turn on phone. Ange has been texting me. PNC is stalking my charges. Apparently food in Bloomington for 2 days followed by going to the airport in Indy equals possible fraudulent charges. Quit spazzing people.


8:30 am


Listen to the longest automated system in the history of the world to verify I am indeed in control of my bank card and have authorized all of the under $25 charges made in the past 3 days.


8:35 am


Ange tells me that she tried to call PNC for me. They said she is not allowed to know charges I have made with my bank card. Nevermind they called her number to verify the charges. Nevermind we have a joint account. Nevermind she could login to our joint account online and look at my charges. Only I can verify my very top secret charges at Starbucks and United. Lame.


8:48 am


After wandering around a bit listening to very loud Chicagoans talk at very loud levels I choose a seat to sit down and wait for gate agents so I can get my boarding pass. I chose the wrong seat. This lady next to me is going on and on about her very tragic divorce from her no good cheating husband. After I hear the phrases "Republican women's luncheon," "going hunting," "hitting up the Opera for a bluegrass show," and "the only bad part is it's a Baptist church" I decide I can no longer sit next to Sarah Palin's sister and I get up to nonchalantly look for a power plug so I can get some extra iPhone juice. Chicago is apparently Amish because I can find none. Ugh. Go get my boarding pass and find a new seat away from Wannabe Palin.


9:27 am


We finally start boarding. I'm standing in line behind a little man that is a dead ringer for Chairman Mao. This makes me think of the time we were playing Wii Jeopardy and my mom said "Chairman Mao" and Ange said "Who the heck is Churman Mal???" I giggle hysterically to myself. As we near the jetway, Churman leans over the railing and hocks the biggest loogie I've ever heard in my life and spits it in the trashcan 2 feet away. Giggling stops and gagging commences. Sick ass.


9:34 am


I am on the plane and I look over and see a man pretending like his boarding pass is some sort of fake mustache. Then I realize he's using the boarding pass as some kind of silencer because he's talking on his cell phone and apparently doesn't want to disturb anyone and/or let us hear about his affair/Republican luncheon/bluegrass opera/hunting trip. Well carry on then I suppose weird mustache man.


9:57 am


After sitting at gate for eleventy million years we finally push off. I have decided I like United. Much nicer than Delta (my current preferred airline). They have more amenities. Including more comfortable seat belts. Delta appears to only make seat belts for those people with a BMI of 25 or less (e.g. Not me). I am no small lady but I am not a whale. Be reasonable with your belt length for the love. I have plenty of excess belt on United. My gut thanks you.


10:11 am


They are showing Unstoppable on the (communal) movie screens. Good movie. Glad I've seen it so I don't feel tempted to watch it and then get annoyed when I inevitably fall asleep and miss major important parts.


10:27 am


I notice the dude in front of me has the grossest hair ever. Like not washed in 4 months gross. And he's rubbing it all over his headrest. Now I will attempt to never lean my head against my headrest on a plane ever again. So grossed out.


10:32 am


I wish the Captain would turn off the seatbelt sign. I have to pee like whoa even though I'm terrified of using airline bathrooms because I'm afraid my butt will get suction cupped to the seat in some bizarre airplane malfunction. Yes I know this is completely irrational (I specialize in irrational fears, see: sharks in pools), but I'm terrified nonetheless. Especially after hearing a flight attendant acquaintance talk about the toilet paper races she's had with other attendants where they each stick a roll of toilet paper in the toilets and stretch the other end to the middle of the plane and see who's toilet sucks it up fastest. That could be my butt people.


10:37 am


Ugh. Stupid lady on the aisle. She just unpacked a buffet on her tray table. I don't want to be the asshole that asks her to pack it all up so I can pee 20 minutes into the flight. Starbucks this is all your fault.

10:42 am


Stupid lady still hasn't eaten from her buffet. It's just sitting there blocking my way to the suction butt bathroom. Now they are doing drink service. I'm never going to get to go pee. Should have asked for a pair of Depends from the poop Giant on the last flight.


10:53 am


Lost the headrest game. Guess I'll just have greaseball cooties on my head. The guy next to me is snoring. Billy Chuck Fawcett was snoring loudly on the last flight. How do people not know they are snorers? Do they not care that their snoring is annoying others? Annoying.


11:08 am


God. Stupid lady is the slowest eater on the planet. I've never seen someone take as small of bites as she does. She might be done by the time we get to Sacramento. On a sidenote, she also appears to have an iPad. She has officially become my arch nemesis.


11:19 am


Apparently Ms. Buffet (no relation to Jimmy Buffet) is a Wastey McWasterson. She ate about half of her sandwich and a fourth of her salad. Normally I would frown heavily upon this, but I have too much pee in me to be judgmental at the moment. I wait for her to pack up her garbage and then crack a joke about too much Starbucks and needing to get up. Neither Wastey McWasterson nor Snorey McSnorerson crack a smile. Whatever. I have not yet given YOU rude looks for your annoying behaviors so too bad so sad for you that I have to pee.


11:20 am


Ahhhhhh, relief.


11:25 am


Settled back in for the duration. Flight attendant is walking down the aisle collecting "rubbish." Someone (probably another idiot) asks her a question I don't hear. She says rubbish sounds so much more lovely than trash. I love her immediately. Ok, time for a nap.


12:57 pm


God, I'm like a toddler. If there were sleeping Olympics, I'd be a gold medalist. I hate airplane air. I'm so dryyyyy. My contacts are suction cupped to my eyes. My nose holes are dry. My mouth is dry. Yay, here comes the flight attendant with some juice!


1:03 pm


Bwhaha. Suction cup lenses have cleared up. Lady across the aisle is asleep and looks like a frog waiting for some flies to land in her mouth. Dying.





1:17 pm


Ugh. Annoying man 3 rows behind me WON'T. SHUT. UP! He's talking (stupidly) about politics & religion. He's annoying. I shouldn't hear you this loud in my seat. Where's my iPod?


1:23 pm


Curse you aqua scum! My iPod is dead. I thought it was charged. Apparently I was gravely wrong. I'll have to use my iPhone. Hope it doesn't die before I get to Chico.


2:15 pm


Thank god we're landing. I'm over this flight.


2:38 pm


Damn you Aunt Flo! I just landed and NOW you come to visit? Bitch.


2:47 pm


Sunshine! Yay!

Thoughts While Traveling: Indy to Chicago

I don't Tweet. I try not to abuse my Facebook friends by treating FB as if it were Twitter. But sometimes there are so many things happening I just need to share these moment by moment actions.

Luckily I've installed BlogBooster so I can draft blog posts even while on a plane. Yay for me and now yay for you.

6:25 am

GZUS. So freezing. 8 degrees is unreasonable.

6:37 am

OMG. My car never warms up when it's cold. I'm going to freeze until I get in the airport.

6:42 am

This parking lot sucks. I just had to barrel over a two foot snow and ice bank to park. Still freezing. Walk over to the shelter to wait for the shuttle. Still dying. Oooooh, a warming lamp in the shelter. Warm me up like a rotisserie chicken! Damn, here comes the shuttle. I was just getting in to my chicken method acting. Oh well, the bus is warmer anyway. Old man driving the bus. Love old men. He flings himself out of the drivers seat to grab my bag. Proceeds to ignore the men getting on at the next two stops. Good old chauvinism at its finest. Helps me get my bag off the shuttle. I give him a buck. He can use it to buy some 50-50 raffle tickets at his next Lions Club meeting. I'm positive he's a Lion.

6:51 am

United is annoying. They won't let me self check-in. That means I have to talk to the way too chipper gate agents. They are messing with my plane in Chicago so that's why it wouldn't work. I will get my boarding pass and seating assignment in Chicago.

6:58 am

Yum, Patachou. Waitress is also chipper and chatty. I would not be if I had to work at the airport at 6 in the morning. She asks where I'm going and I say to Cali. She asks for what. I almost said a lobotomy. But I decide not to. For an interview I say. She said you're a college professor right? I'm weirded out. Yes. She says isn't it weird that I know that? Yes. Please go away.

7:20 am

Go through security. Am not laser beam strip searched. Now am sad.

7:24 am

Walking by American Airlines gate I overhear the gate attendant saying that if your bag is too big or you are trying to sneak on extra carry ons they will take them at the gate, check them and charge you the same rate as checked luggage. Good for them. I hate annoying people that try and take too much luggage or not check an obviously too large bag. Just check it for god's sake.

7:27 am

Find some new ear buds for my trip. Ange is probably going to stab me. This is the third pair I've bought in 2 months. I keep losing them. I have not lost either of my Apple pair even though they make my little ear holes hurt which is why I keep buying new ones. These are pink. Maybe I won't lose them.

7:38 am

Some old lady sitting across from me is staring at me with the giant-est smile on her face. I feel like telling her to take a picture cause it lasts longer. But instead try out my new ear buds so she doesn't try and talk to me. They announce boarding will be happening soon and as an extra special treat TSA is doing random ID checks so have your ID ready.

7:42 am

I get stopped. Damn.

7:43 am

The jet way is freezing. The man in front of me is approximately 43 feet tall. He smells like poop...like literally. Like he just shit his Depends. He has very gross back hairs fighting to escape his tragically tacky t-shirt. He has to stoop down to get on the plane. Good, he's not sitting by me. No more poop smells.

7:48 am

My apparent seat mate arrives. She stares at me and says I'm seat 17D. I stare at her and say I'm 17F. She stares at me some more. Then stares at the handy label on the overhead bin. Oh, I guess D comes before F and I'm on the aisle. Glad to have reviewed the alphabet with you. Sit down and don't talk to me again.

7:49 am

They make an announcement that small items should be moved to below the seats to make room for idiotic people's large roller luggage. Psht. I paid the same amount (if not more since it was last minute) for my ticket. I'll take overhead space if I feel like it.

7:50 am

Ugh. An annoying person with a roller bag needs overhead space. He points to my bag and says it could be moved to make room for his. I want to stab him in his leg. The flight attendant says she can't move people's bags. He stands there and starts looking at those of us around the bag. I sigh loudly and say it's mine. He asks if I would mind giving up my space. I do, but I decide to fill up my karma bank and say fine. Yes, let me put my very expensive and brand new Kenneth Cole bag on the ground do we can make room for your crusty hideous too big bag. The flight attendant takes pity on me and stores my bag with her stuff in a special area. Suck it karma.

7:52 am

Whoa, move over Billy Ray Cyrus! The bastard child of Farrah Fawcett and Chuck Norris just sat down in front of me. Serious feathering in the business portion of his mullet and very sleek ponytail in the party section of the mullet. His denim embroidered shirt is a great compliment to the ensemble.

7:54 am

Ms. Alphabet Soup decides she is very hot and opens her little vent to the max. It's blowing her bangs around like a Supermodel photoshoot, and since we're crammed in like sardines, my left arm hairs get to play Supermodel too. Great. I'm going to have a frost bitten left arm by the time we get to Chicago.

8:55 am

We arrive 20 minutes early. Yay! But our gate isn't open because we're so early. Hissss. More arm freezing.